“Atheists don’t have no songs” Video and Lyrics
Posted: May 28, 2010 Filed under: Everything Else | Tags: atheists don't have no songs, atheists don't have no songs lyrics, lyrics, steve martin atheist song 41 Comments »PS: Be sure to check out my Christopher Hitchens portrait, prints of which are now for sale.
These are the lyrics (as I understood them):
Christians have their hymns and pages,
Hava Nagila’s for the Jews,
Baptists have the rock of ages,
Atheists just sing the blues.
Romantics play Claire de Lune,
Born agains sing He is risen,
But no one ever wrote a tune,
For godless existentialism.
For Atheists,
There’s no good news,
They’ll never sing a song of faith.
For atheists,
They have a rule,
The “he” is always lowercase.
The “he” is always lowercase.
Some folks sing a Bach cantata,
Lutherans get Christmas trees,
Atheist songs add up to nada,
But they do have Sundays free.
Pentecostalists sing they sing to heaven,
Coptics have the books of scrolls,
Numerologists can count to seven,
Atheists have rock and roll.
For Atheists,
There’s no good news,
They’ll never sing a song of Faith.
In their songs,
They have a rule,
The “he” is always lowercase.
The “he” is always lowercase.
Catholics dress up for Mass,
And listen to, Gregorian chants.
Atheists just take a pass,
Watch football in their underpants.
Watch football in their underpants.
Atheists, Atheists, Atheists,
Don’t have no songs!
PS: Check out my Hitchens portrait, prints of which are for sale.
Thanks for the lyrics, man!!
I think it may be “a Bach cantata” instead of “the bacantada”
@SandmanBR: My pleasure! @Heccy42: Thanks! I will correct it right now…
I’ve posted it in youtube but couldn’t put a link to your blog in the comments. Sorry…
I don’t get the reference, so I’m not sure either way, but I hear “Coptics have the book of scrolls”, not “Gnostics have…”
Also, I think the usual transliteration for the Hebrew folk song is “Hava Nagila” and not “Havah Nagilah”.
Thanks for the lyrics!
Great, then “Coptics” it is! Thanks for the edit!
Brahms, Strauss, Bartok, Rimsky-Korsakov, Boulez, and Earl Wild were all atheists. This shows that not only do atheists have music, but we are actually very very good at writing and performing it too.
@LBJ, the song is hilarious.
Being limited to Blues and Rock & Roll would not be that bad either.
Sheeeeeeit, Blues and Rock and Roll? I’ll take it!
I think there is an S in there: “Hava NagilaS for the Jews”
Actually, to be correct, it should be “Hava Nagila’s” as it’s a contraction of Hava Nagila is.
I’ve tried working off several performances and have come up with the following:
Christians have their hymns and pages.
Hava nagila’s for the Jews.
Baptists have their rock of ages.
Atheists just sing the Blues.
Romantics play Clare de Lune.
Born again sing he is risen.
But no one ever wrote a tune
For godless existentialism.
cho.
For atheists there’s no good news.
They’ll never sing a song of faith.
In their songs they have a rule
The “he” is always lowercased.
The “he” is always lowercased.
Some folks sing a Bach cantata.
Lutherans get Christmas Trees.
Atheists songs add up to nada.
But they do have Sundays free.
Pentacostals sing, they sing to heaven.
Coptics have the Book of Scrolls.
Numerologists can count to seven.
Atheists have rock and roll.
cho.
For atheists there’s no good news.
They’ll never sing a song of faith.
In their songs they have rule
The “he” is always lowercased.
The “he” is always lowercased.
bridge.
Atheists, Atheists, Atheists…
DON’T HAVE NO SONGS!!!
Christians have their hymns and pages.
Hava nagila’s for the Jews.
Baptists have their rock of ages.
Atheists just sing the Blues.
Catholics, dress up for mass
And listen to Gregorian chants.
Atheists, just take a pass,
Watch football in their underpants.
Watch football in their underpants.
Atheists, Atheists, Atheists…
DON’T HAVE NO SONGS!!!
Thanks for the edits everyone!
this lifelong atheist (85 years worth) and deplorer of the smugness of all religions is absolutely delighted by Steve Martin and his fellow-performers. And thank you, Adrian Covert. This is all a work of geniuses.
Does anyone know where i can find an mp3 of this song?
As an atheist, I listened to this and laughed my butt off. Very funny. I have always appreciated the brilliance of Steve Martin, and this is no exception. If you can’t laugh at yourself, who is there to laugh at.
I am also a musician and have been known to perform religious music – one even did a duet with a pastor. And we have lots of songs. Of course, “he” is always in lowercase.
Big thankyou, again, for working out the lyrics. Is there a way to enter them on youtube? I think it would be helpful to folks listening there. I had trouble with hava nagila (duh), godless existentialism, pentecostals, numerologists (!?),
[...] Jules. And thanks to Pacificvs (Adrian Covert) for the lyrics! (Also see John Kinney’s comment on the Pacificvs post, which [...]
It is so nice to know there are “others” out there in the ethos who have the same wonderful sense of humor and philosophical leanings as do I. Sometimes I just wonder at how religion has ruled the world and continues to do so. Thank you Steve Martin for being able to approach this dilemma with such fun and frivolity.
I tried atheism once but had to give it up. No holidays.
It’s funny and true how atheists acknowledge God by using a lower case h in “he” when by definition they don’t believe in the existence of God! Love It! Brilliant Song!
How is spelling “he” with a lowercase “h” an implicit acknowledgment of god’s existence?
Of interest to many of you will be the book “God Doesn’t Believe in Atheists” by Ray Comfort.
Quite the modest one, that Ray Comfort, claiming to know the mind of God and all.
[...] Here are the lyrics (courtesy of PacificVS): [...]
Also quite modest would be Sally Gazzard for pointing out how she has such a wonderful sense of humor. Everyone THINKS they have a great sense of humor; they can’t all be right.
Does anyone remember Monty Python’s “All Things Dull and Ugly,” a parody of the sweet little children’s hymn sung in English chapels each school morning? (“All Things Bright and Beaufiful”)
All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.
Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom.
He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid–
Who made the spikey urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!
All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.
Amen.
This is worth listening to with its innocent children’s voices to add to the satire, and is really far more clever theologically than the Steve Martin bit. Better rhyming and rhyme scheme, too.
@Perenelle: In atheist songs, the lower case ‘he’ refers to Jesus of Nazareth, not god. Duh!
Eric Idle’s (Monty Python) song The Universe is another atheist anthem. It is sort of a companion to the creatures tune, enumerating the larger miracles and wonders that religions aren’t much interested in.
[...] The busiest day of the year was September 1st with 440 views. The most popular post that day was “Atheists don’t have no songs” Video and Lyrics. [...]
One of those mall-town musicians who played for “everything in town” for more than 50 years, I love all kinds of music and got a great laugh At Steve’s song. I played for all the churches at times of need, my own for many years. God loves atheists…God loves everybody!
Thanks for this fun reading. I’m 85 and hope I can keep laughing until I join the heavenly throng. Gwen
That was fun and I can’t wait to try singing it myself.
Atheists have too many songs, actually, far more than Christians. I can think of many such songs and their writers. Earlier in my songwriting I too was a writer of such songs. God forgave me as soon as I asked His forgiveness. Proverbs 17: 15. He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just, even they both are abomination to the Lord.
I thought it was a funny song. But an interesting thought is the fact that there aren’t any Atheist in hell. Not one! Because when they get there they will see that there really is a God and an afterlife.
If there was a hell, my ‘father’ would be there right now roasting, with a 2×4 shoved up his behind. As an Atheist, of course I don’t believe in hell. Unfortunately, he didn’t get what he deserved.
Oh yes, I loved the song.
Soem of your are sounding like Christians
Some of you are sounding like CHRISTIANS
Christians have their hymns and pages!
Brilliant! Almost makes me believe in something.
I think they lyric is “Adventists” (not “Numerologists”) can count to seven -
This was fun!